So, I was expecting calmer waters as my "cruise" continued... things seemed to be going along okay, but little did I know a tropical storm was brewing.
The effects of my chemo were accumulating with each subsequent treatment, but I was on a countdown; three more to go, two more to go... Fatigue was increasing, wiping me out for a week rather than a couple days. I was starting to feel a little nausea. Neuropathy (pins & needles in hands and feet, cold-sensitivity) was intensifying. Chemo brain was ruling my days making it very difficult to even get the daily basic chores achieved and needs met. It's hard to rest when things need to be done.
Praise God for Matt, his Mom, my close friends and many folks who have chipped in at a moment's notice, or by the stirring of the Spirit, to meet our needs as they were increasing.
Monday, October 24, I had chemo #6. They reduced the dose due to the increases I was experiencing in side effects. Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday were surprisingly good post-chemo days for me.
Thursday, October 27, stomach pain returns, as do I to the ER. I'd had a rough night and my ostomy hadn't put out much, when usually it fills once or twice a night. They observed me all day in the ER. My ostomy wasn't flowing. I was nauseated and miserable."We'd like to keep you overnight for observation." I wasn't going to argue. So they admitted me to the hospital.
Friday, October 28: Matt brought the kids to visit in the evening. "Happy Family Day" declared my dear, yet despondent and disappointed, daughter as she reached out to hug me with a pouting face. Our plans to celebrate Family Day, the anniversary of the day we brought the kids home and became a "forever family", were thwarted. But I said to her "Any and every day is a day we can celebrate being a family!" We'll make up for it later. Thankfully our church had an alternative-to-Trick-or-Treating Halloween event so the kids had fun & treats in a safe environment. Unfortunately we also missed our "loosely" observed "Dia de los Muertos" (Day of the Dead) on November 2, as part of Guatemalan All Hallowtide. I was really looking forward to eating Fiambre! Now I just look forward to eating anything.
I figured I'd be home by Saturday at the least... Sunday came and I was still here in hospital. It is a waiting game. Basically my bowels just stopped flowing altogether... totally inflamed, and inactive (suspected reaction to chemo). No signs of infection. Little did I realize that the stomach still produces digestive juices even when the rest of the system is out of whack. The volume is a couple quarts/litres a day and when it can't follow it's normal path, there is only one alternative exit. On top of my misery, Matt calls Sunday morning ... on their way to church a deer jumped onto the car from a steep roadside bank and totally smashed in the front windshield and dented to hood Had I been in the car I would likely have been injured. No one was injured, just shocked, and overwhelmed by our seeming bad luck.
Mid-week and no sign of bowel activity, I tried a nasal-gastric (NG) tube (down into my stomach) for about 36 hrs to pump out the gastric fluids that were accumulating... it was as completely awful as you might think, and as I had anticipated. I couldn't talk or move my head without gagging, but I could breathe. I was communicating by writing on my cell phone!! And although my stomach got a break from vomiting continually, I pleaded for the removal of the tube the next day. I'd prefer to puke, thank you.
So, here I am, now day 12 in hospital, fed via IV (haven't eaten more than half a dozen bites of oatmeal or applesauce since arriving!), getting prodded, poked, and stuck multiple times daily (mostly through IV access ports), and playing the waiting game. I have seen myriad oncologists, surgeons, their associates, and the tag-along residents and students. They do not all agree on my condition, but offer their insight and treatment options and attempt to work together. I have to mention the nurses and personal care staff... and PRAISE GOD for every single one of them! I can't imagine having to constantly clean up rancid bodily fluids that are not your own!
A little bummed that I have missed the peak of our Autumn color changes during the days I have been in here, but I have been able to enjoy a brief glimpse of it from my window which looks out onto a wide meadow and surrounding woodlands. It sure has been a season of change for me this year...
- From healthy to cancer survivor
- From active to passive & hospitalized
- From family caregiver to family giving care
- From organized & alert to chemo-scrambled fuzzy-brain
- From goal oriented to faith oriented
- From taking things for granted to thankful for every provision
- From unsympathetic to compassionate
- From stagnant faith to daily grace
Update: Someone lent us a vehicle to cover transport needs, and the car windshield has now been repaired. Meals are being provided in delicious abundance. Prayers abound! Kids both made Honor Roll in first marking period!
The best news to come from this current unpleasantness is that all my doctors agree that we should end my Chemotherapy treatments. NO MORE! NADA! ZIP! ZILCH! YAY!!! Now I get to focus on getting out of hospital, healing/detoxing from Chemo, and preparing from my ostomy reversal in the New Year.
I'm kinda tuckered out folks. This blog is the longest time I've focused on anything, and achieved something, for the past 2 weeks! I'm heading for a nap and some pain meds!
Thanks One and all for your love & faith-filled prayers & support! Please keep it coming!
By God's grace,